small, but good….

i have very mixed feelings about this thanksgiving.

there is so, so much to be thankful for. seriously. emotionally, this hasn’t been the best year for me, and then, emotionally this has been a time for intense and sometimes unwilling growth for me, so i feel like i have to acknowledge that.

d’s mom is doing much better. yesterday when we saw her, she wanted us to bring some things for her to feel more human…..women’s toiletry things and while we were on our way to deliver them, she called again and asked if i might be able to bring her a vanilla milk shake! good news, indeed.

the day before thanksgiving, they took the respirator tube from her throat and she began to breathe again on her own. it’s been tough for her because she has essentially had to learn how to breathe again on her own. yesterday, we saw her practicing, as her oxygen saturation is still not what they want it to be.  however, as soon as she can get this number back up (she isn’t far off, she is consistently at about 93% and they want her to be around 96-97%), then they will take her from the ICU and put her in a regular room. After that, she will come home. I have a ton of admiration for this lady who seems to value life so much. she has strength i don’t think any of us imagined and it seems her journey in this life is not done yet. pretty cool.

of course, the sad part, for me, is that this is the first thanksgiving ever that i have not been around my own children this day. this has held mixed blessings for me.  it has been quiet and mostly restful for me, which has been awesome and much needed.  it has given me a lot of time for reflection, too. on the situation with daughter, and things within myself. i don’t know if i have been a good parent or not. i guess that time will tell with this. i think i can say i did the best i could and that i always put my kids first. not sure if that’s good or bad at this point, but it is what it is.

i should probably type about all the things i am thankful for, but they can be macro’d into a few large things. the health of my family, the love of my family and the people who choose to love me, enough to eat and drink, being granted the benefits of living in a first world country and all that entails, a job i like and good things in my life.

i think i am done being reflective now….the dryer is off and i need to fold those clothes =)