i decided that if i keep dwelling on this stuff, it’s going to make me crazy. i wonder regarding my daughter and where we both might have gone wrong, but i have never really been one to dwell on negative things. i will trust that this is part of the journey she must take to make her who she is supposed to be. i think during this whole thing, even though i have said the words, it’s been hard for me to let go of thinking this was not about me. this is about her. she isn’t making good decisions. i need to keep repeating this to myself because her whole life i have been responsible for her. but she is her own sentient being, even if her brain isn’t fully developed, she obviously thinks it is. enough about that….
i started reading in a little more depth chris penczak’s inner temple book this weekend. i really like, so far, the way he puts things. in magickal study, it always seemed very odd to me that here you would be, on initiation path, and doing these rituals and stuff without developing one’s own psychic abilities first. and really, if a priestess hasn’t taught or helped you develop those abilities, then how do they know where you are at in your process? my sense is that these things take an individual amount of time and are things that need to be observed by each person. i have been part of two covens before, and left them both because i didn’t feel like they stimulated my intellectual curiosity or my sense of being a part of something larger. it was merely rote memorization and going through the motions, and if you asked "why?" the priestess got mad at you for questioning her. ummm, no. i don’t learn well like that. hell, i coulda stayed a catholic if i wanted to recite a bunch of words i memorized.
anyway, on with the journey.
i think that’s about all that’s in there this morning. i need to go and get some coffee, and probably should do something approaching work, since i am being paid to be here.
today will be a good day because i will it to be so.
peace.
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