tonight, my siblings and i removed my mom from all but comfort treatments and as i write this from her hospital room, she seems more at peace than she has at any other time during this entire saga.
i still maintain that this was the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my life. how does one let go of the only person in existence who ever loves one as unconditionally as humans can? she’s always been there for me, always supported me, even if she didn’t agree with me, and always will be.
i carry such beautiful memories of this beautiful woman with me. but now, it’s time to let her go. i owe that to her, it’s what she wanted.
just when i think that i cannot cry any more, i imagine a world without her in it and the tears flow again freshly, making my head hurt and my face all poofy. how does one move on from something like this? right now it seems inconceivable.
i hope her transition is peaceful and without pain. i hope that she knows that she is not alone and that there are many people here who love her. i don’t know what else to say. life will never be the same. in some respects, i feel utterly alone, even though i know i will always carry her in my heart. she’s been the best of friends to me, she’s been such an awesome person who taught me so much about love, forgiveness, relationships, you name it.
i love you, momma.
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