blustery, rainy, northwest day….

is what it feels like in my town today.

i am back in my own town today, and today is my big training session that i have to do. the first of many, i am sure. this one is unique and cool, though, because this is the first time i am going to have a computer lab where everyone has their own pc, to go along the training materials with me. life is good…

i have a lot of stuff to write about.

when i saw my mother-in-law the other day, she was sitting up in a chair, she asked me to help her brush her hair, and she looked at me and smiled and said "today, i am happy. i FEEL good." right on, c-woman. a week ago, we weren’t sure if you’d be pushing up daisies soon. THAT’S what i call a strong constitution. this made me very happy…

then, i was asked to go to the different facilities to see if they were decent for her. i found one that i thought was very nice, and made my recommendation, only to learn that her insurance would not authorize that place and they sent her somewhere in bumfuk egypt. this does not make me any more fond of insurance companies, which i already have a healthy disdain for. bah. fuck insurance companies. seriously.

i feel sorry for my mother-in-law because now that the immediate crisis seems to be over, no one really knows what to do. this is a complicated situation with that family. i was asked to go the facilities because her husband didn’t have time to go and he doesn’t have any medical experience. then, she didn’t get to go to the one we wanted her too anyway. she is having issues because she is still somewhat in denial about her health status. she isn’t being treated appropriately because she isn’t being honest with her doctors, but the doctors won’t listen to anyone but the patient. i wish this family strength in dealing with this. i will give my opinion, and have to my husband, but in this instance, i am still somewhat of an outsider. i think i am actually the only -in-law that was invited to come down when she was sick. she needs someone to advocate for her, though…she doesn’t seem capable of advocating for herself. and her family wants to, but it seems no one will listen. tough times, for them, and for us, really.

when i got home last night, the house was somewhat a disaster. i am upset at my son because he purchased a wolf-hybrid puppy while i was gone. we discussed him having a dog, and i thought we were having a conversation, he thought i was giving tacit approval. he is a cute little guy, but my son is learning what a large responsibility it is to have a dog and my carpets and his blankets and bed are paying the price of that. like i said, cute bugger, though. there was a sink full of dishes, but everyone i asked who has been staying in the house all swears they are not their dishes. i will soon be printint mutual respect contracts for everyone who lives in my house. everyone will sign and agree to it or discussion will ensue, but it will be done. this is rather bullshit.

i miss d. he is still in vegas and shall be until the 17th of this month. i am glad he can be there for his family.

i am wasting time before my training class, but i probably should go so that no one sees me writing in my online diary when i am supposed to be preparing to train them =)

have a good day everyone….

peace. 

Tagged!!

I’ve been tagged by ican. She wants five random/weird facts about me.

Here are the rules:

The first player starts with the topic "5 random/weird facts about yourself." The people who get "tagged” need to post an entry about their 5 random facts, as well as state these rules clearly.

In the end, you must post the names and/or diaries of the 5 people you wish to tag. Leave a note saying "you’ve been tagged" on their diaries and tell then to read your site.

5 Random Facts:

1. Parenting teenagers is the hardest thing I have ever done.

2. One of my favorite ways to write my initials is using a treble cleff musical notation with my maiden name initials.

3. I am the 5th of 6 children. All of my older siblings are now in their 50’s. My mother had me when she was 38 years old, which age I will turn next year. The way my life has gone, I cannot imagine "starting over" with an infant at this point in my life. This gives me even greater admiration for my mom.

4. One of the most important things to me in any relationship, be it friendship or relationship, is honesty.

5. From the time I was a little girl, I have always had a very rich "inner life". I have always been my own best friend, mostly and am very self-sustaining with regard to the "need" to be around other people.

5 Weird Facts:

1. I had to bowl, like, 300 games to graduate from high school. I went to the "alternative" high school because I skipped a year and had to catch up. The gym teacher told me to bowl three games to equal one class and I think I had to have 30 classes to get my credit. When I turned in all my papers, she had forgotten about this arrangement and almost didn’t accept it. This made me very angry.

2. When I was a sophmore in high school, i was supposed to participate in a German student exchange program. The girl came, she stayed with my family for three weeks (was supposed to be a month) and six days before she was supposed to leave, she went to the advisor and told him she hated me and hated my family and refused to stay with us any longer. She hadn’t said anything to us. So, she stayed the last six days with another family and that person went to Germany. I was devestated, completely and totally.

3. I love to shop, but on my own terms and often the purpose of shopping, for me, is to find the best "deal". I generally know what I want, go directly to get it, and am then done. I refuse to shop the day after Thanksgiving. Did it once in recent memory and have no plans to ever do it again.

4. I have double-jointed knees and can lay my legs flat on ground and life my feet probably six inches off the ground while my thighs remain firmly planted on the ground. Those I have shown this anomoly are grossed out by it. My thumbs also bed backwards in a very strange way.

5. I sometimes feel guilty because although I know I was very sick when I had my hysterectomy, I pushed the doctor to do it because I didn’t want to deal with the mess, the pain, the horror of my periods anymore. Sometimes I think this makes me a big ‘ole baby and affects my "womanhood"…that I should have stuck it out. But that usually passes quickly….I tried to miss having a period and couldn’t do it. I still think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and was well worth the money, effort, and recovery I went thru.

I’m tagging: hurricanekatie, teresa, RandomChance, FourthRow, and Atrevida. 

small, but good….

i have very mixed feelings about this thanksgiving.

there is so, so much to be thankful for. seriously. emotionally, this hasn’t been the best year for me, and then, emotionally this has been a time for intense and sometimes unwilling growth for me, so i feel like i have to acknowledge that.

d’s mom is doing much better. yesterday when we saw her, she wanted us to bring some things for her to feel more human…..women’s toiletry things and while we were on our way to deliver them, she called again and asked if i might be able to bring her a vanilla milk shake! good news, indeed.

the day before thanksgiving, they took the respirator tube from her throat and she began to breathe again on her own. it’s been tough for her because she has essentially had to learn how to breathe again on her own. yesterday, we saw her practicing, as her oxygen saturation is still not what they want it to be.  however, as soon as she can get this number back up (she isn’t far off, she is consistently at about 93% and they want her to be around 96-97%), then they will take her from the ICU and put her in a regular room. After that, she will come home. I have a ton of admiration for this lady who seems to value life so much. she has strength i don’t think any of us imagined and it seems her journey in this life is not done yet. pretty cool.

of course, the sad part, for me, is that this is the first thanksgiving ever that i have not been around my own children this day. this has held mixed blessings for me.  it has been quiet and mostly restful for me, which has been awesome and much needed.  it has given me a lot of time for reflection, too. on the situation with daughter, and things within myself. i don’t know if i have been a good parent or not. i guess that time will tell with this. i think i can say i did the best i could and that i always put my kids first. not sure if that’s good or bad at this point, but it is what it is.

i should probably type about all the things i am thankful for, but they can be macro’d into a few large things. the health of my family, the love of my family and the people who choose to love me, enough to eat and drink, being granted the benefits of living in a first world country and all that entails, a job i like and good things in my life.

i think i am done being reflective now….the dryer is off and i need to fold those clothes =) 

one more quick thing…..

oh yeah…..

we did manage to sneak out during the weekend and see harry potter.

LOVED IT!!!!!!!!

all that escapism was glorious on the screen. i am sad they left the house elves out and couldn’t do any of the side stories in the books, but the bottom line comes from the A&E "making of the goblet of fire" thing i saw….

the director says "the book had over 700 pages to tell it’s story. i get 120 with a script and a couple of hours to do the same" there’s that, then.

it was still awesome. loved the water task scenes.

sat in the front row and didn’t care. just meant that no one else could see how stupidly happy and little-kid like i was to be there, watching it, and cheering and being happy and joyous and kid-like. life is still good in so very many ways….

i still have a lot to be thankful for this year.

a whole lot.

peace.

keepin’ on….

hello from sunny las vegas.

we spent a few hours with d’s mom last night and she seems to be doing better, slowly. they are trying to ween her from the respirator slowly. they took her off for a short time yesterday and said she didn’t tolerate that really well, so they are going to go really slowly. she seems more alert, and they are also trying to cut back on the amount of morphine they are giving her. last night was the first time that no one stayed with her overnight. the reason they were doing that, i found out, was that d’s dad said that while everyone, ultimately, dies alone, if it was his wife’s time to go, he wanted someone who was family there with her to ease her way, let her know it was okay, and tell her they loved her during her transition. this makes me happy that they are respectful of what she wants, and i feel this to be true.

looks like we may or may not be cooking a turkey for turkey day. d’s dad said last night that he thought the mom had ordered one of those pre-cooked turkey meals from one of the store’s in the area, because it was just supposed to be dad, mom, and oma. we aren’t sure if this was actually done or not before she got sick, though. either way, i am sure it will be marginally somber, but not too bad. we can fix up premade food, just fine and it would be somewhat of a relief =)

what else is happening? my son bought a wolf-hybrid dog and promptly lost it. he paid $250 for it, then let the thing in our backyard and we have a fence that little doggies can wiggle right thru. and he did. i am sure someone snatched him up and while that’s sad, i think it teaches my son a valuable lesson about the type of responsibility involved in having an animal as dependent as a dog. i didn’t really want him to get it, but oh well.

i have heard from my daughter every day since we have been gone, which is good. her teeth look so beautiful with her braces off!!

i guess that’s about it right now. i have to laugh because today, i get to take the german grandmother around and try to hang out with her and keep her mind off things with her daughter. she speaks germanglish, the root word of that being "mangle" =) it should be fun, given it’s been about 22 years since i have spoken much german. she’s a sweet lady, though, and i am sure we will have fun.

i have more to write, but die oma awaits me!

peace. 

On Stuff….

well, she did email me yesterday and let me know she was okay, so that’s a good thing. i wonder how she will react at my not being around for thanksgiving? i am trying to make arrangements for my kids to have other plans. they don’t need to be around sickness, injury, and depressing stuff around the holiday.

i will be flying to vegas tomorrow to meet with d and help with shifts at the hospital so that someone is there with her at all times. d says he thinks she’s pretty messed up, but does not believe that she will die. i hope that he isn’t disappointed if things turn out differently or that he is okay. he doesn’t sound very okay now. i can always tell because he talks in short, choppy sentences. isn’t it weird how well we become to know people after awhile?

there’s some shit happening at work that makes me want to tell some people to fuck off, but of course i won’t do that. the cool thing is that this is very similar to something i went thru when i first implemented this database, but there is a lot of comfort in knowing that i came thru that just fine and will come thru this also, just fine. i am much more confident now, i know my stuff, and i have management support, which i always did, but there was doubt before because none of us had done this before. there’s no doubt now. it’s just a matter of getting thru it.

i feel a little guilty because i have been indulging in some comfort foods with all the stress lately. a cookie here, a donut there. i had an apple fritter yesterday and it was divine. this morning are two cookies left over from a meeting yesterday with my morning coffee. i think as long as i don’t make this a habit, i should be fine.

it’s really funny to me how life just keeps on keeping on. something happens to alter your world forever, and when you look outside, the birds are still there, people are still making their morning commutes, trudging along, and everything seems the same except that your world has been altered forever. is this perception or reality? is there a difference? pensive much? lately, yeah, i suppose i am. i felt like writing this morning, purging more. for moments, i sit here and just stare at the screen until something strikes me.

my mom and i went out to eat pho last night. i don’t think i will ever be able to eat pho without fond memories of going to the pho house up north with teresa. what a lovely memory to fall back on when things are tough. thank you, my friend.

i feel like i have said what was in my head this morning. i need to make some arrangements to make sure i have a ride from the airport tomorrow. i need to see if i can find the free passes from my sisters airline, otherwise i will have to pay $100 for the flight, which still isn’t bad with no notice.

have a great day, everyone.

peace. 

basking in my glory…

in all actuality, i wasn’t going to name this entry this, but i saw randomchance’s (formerly d1066 in case i get the name wrong hehehe) and it seemed to fit perfectly for what i have to say today, too.

i wrote my daughter a long email this morning, letting her know that i was going to be out of town and while i would love for her to go, i didn’t think she needed to be around the sadness and sickness and stuff and i hoped she had a really nice holiday.

this evening, i went to bellydancing class and had an awesome, if exhausting time. i think it’s time for me to move up to the next step, which is going to require more work from me, but damn, it’s painful =) now that i have developed abdominal muscles somewhat, the damn things can get sore, demmit. but, i am on my way to doing a killer belly roll and i do believe i can undulate. i don’t think it’s real pretty just yet, and still a little jiggly, but it is, after all, called bellydancing =) my arms are sore just typing this. ow.

so, i get home and no one but mom and sis are home and they have already eaten, so i open the door, mom in tow, to run and get myself something to eat. the door was opening when i got there and i assumed it was my son. i opened the door AND IT WAS MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!! SHE SAID SHE WAS HOME FOR THE NIGHT!!!!! yes, i realize that was shouting, but DAMN am i happy. it’s a good thing i was going to the car, or she would have seen my happy tears, glistening. she would have rolled her eyes and wondered if it was wise for her to have come home. instead, i calmly and without missing a beat said "hey! good to see ya! do you want anything from del taco?" she says, "yeah, chicken soft tacos. i am going to grab a shower." "okies see you soon". and just like that, i was jubilant, in my car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don’t think i can adequately express the joy.

tonight, life is good, no matter what tomorrow brings.

peace.