life and times….

well, i continue to be a bit sad, but i am dealing with it. i am sad in a resigned sort of way. and lonely.

i wonder if this is part of the cycle of my relationship, that it feels like the primary person in my life won’t talk to me and doesn’t seem to care about me. of course, this time last year that was because he was falling in love with someone else, but that’s what happens when you are poly i suppose. that sounds jealous and it’s not, really. the thing that continues to upset me about the situations that i encounter with this particular man is his lack of willingness to communicate or be forthcoming with me about stuff. he recently got a huge windfall check from some work he did, and he wouldn’t even tell me how much it was. i don’t hide anything from him and he hides everything from me. i suppose i accept this, but that doesn’t mean i have to like it and have told him as much. oh well. i think i need to just not care so much and get my needs met where i can. i have known for a really long time that he wasn’t someone who could really sustain an emotionally intimate relationship. i don’t know if i ever really thought he would change or not, but he won’t. i like to think that someday he will see, but i don’t think that’s very likely.

i am going to make this entry private because it is private. i am venting because i am feeling bad. i am going to make a public entry too…at least favorite’s only.

i think i am done with this now. i just wanted to let these thoughts out, even if it’s only to my journal.