Gratitude

today, i seem to have waken up on the wrong side of the bed. things that don’t normally bother me, have bothered me today, things that don’t generally annoy me, have been annoying me. that seems like a great time for me to update here, let everyone know what’s happening, and remember all the things i should be grateful for and right now, there’s plenty.

first and foremost, on june 20th of this year, i left my employment at lawlor events center. it’s so amazing how much can change in two years! i will never, ever be sorry for the experience that i had there, but long term, it wasn’t the right place for me. when i was out on leave with my knee surgery last october, it was during that time that i decided i needed to be some place else. it was a really hard process for me to go through, and i learned a lot. i did a lot of self-examination, because i’ve never really quit anything in my life and i kept thinking that leaving lawlor would be an admission of some sort of failure. what i realized is that isn’t the case. being ABLE to do something isn’t the same as CHOOSING to do it. in the end, it wasn’t the right fit for me.

that’s such a very small piece of what’s happened in the last few months though…. also as a result of that injury, surgery, and resultant stuff that goes along with it, around march or april, i was ordered by the state to go and see a state-sanctioned doctor.

i went because they told me they had to. as a result of that, i got a settlement for a fair amount of money. not a huge amount, but enough that in thinking about what to do with it, this had been the year i was supposed to go and visit my son, chris.

after talking it over with dan, he wanted to do some yard and hottub work with his portion, but he said i should still go to germany… i talked to the kids, and they seemed pretty excited too.

i told them that it didn’t matter to me all that much what we did, as long as we were together, i was sure we’d have fun. then came the task of asking for the time off…always a stressful and interesting experience, but in the end, it was granted, which is all that matters.

i ended up going to germany for about 12 days all told, and we managed a lot of miles, four countries, and seven castles! IT. WAS. AMAZING.

i am going to end this post here, start the germany posts, and then continue. not sure how long it might take me to catch-up, but i will try to get ‘er done now that stress doesn’t rule my life. today, i am grateful for EVERYTHING!

Remembering what matters...

Now, it's been another four months since I've updated. Those are somewhat hard months for me. During football and basketball season, there are some long hours and lots and lots of games. Now, basketball season has ended with no post-season play for our teams, and we are heading into a more mellow time. That's the job.

I've been trying over these last months to remember and make time for all the good in my life and remember the things that are important to me. Friends. Family. Being a part of a community besides where I go to earn my living each day. I've so missed my Fire Family and Burning Man community. I am not involved to the extent I was before, but I am trying to make time and be involved where I can be. I think it's important.

 

The above picture is from December when some friends came to visit. We ate at this amazing local place that sources as much local food as they can, called Greatful Gardens. Good times! That's what matters.

Things with the kids are okay. B is going through some tough times, and Chris is still in Germany. With any luck, I will be going to visit him soon.

With the birdies, our little Pinkie bird died in a tragic accident, she was drowned in the toilet when she flew there on accident and couldn't get back out. Least said about that the better. Sad, and I still miss that little birdie.

In an interesting twist, my nephew (I think of him as my son), David, his wife and their kids (consider them my grand kids) are staying with us. With Bri gone, it's been amazing for me, helped assuage the loneliness. Having kids around has been interesting, but they are good kids. Getting to know Annette, David's wife, better has been pretty darn cool.

Just a quick update, cataloging things, life. I hope to write again soon. I am involved in Compression again, as the vendor coordinator this year. I am excited about it. I've missed my fire family a lot and have managed to get on the board again, managing IT again, and attending a few meetings. I've missed them crazy folks!

There's an amazing project happening, called the Morris Burner Hotel. Friends of mine are doing it, my sister is living there and helping, I've done a little painting and been a part of the first event, and hopefully, there's more to come. Another friend who works with local media recently made a very cool video about the Morris that can be found here: http://www.rgj.com/article/20140320/EVENTS04/140320005/Watch-video-Morris-Burner-Hotel-brings-new-life-Fourth-Street. I feel blessed to know these folks and be a part of this in Reno at this time.

Relevant to nothing, there are certain movies, that when they come on, I can't help but watch them. One of them is "A League of Their Own", which is just finishing now. Another is "Shawshank Redemption". I hope....

Soon.

For now, peace.

time marches on....

i can't believe that this whole year i've only taken the time to post a couple times. amazing what being busy will do for you. i think it's really true that you don't know what you have until it's gone. i have so very many blessings to be thankful for, and in this season of thanks-giving, i am thankful for all that i have. truly....

i am thankful for my family, more than i can say. life has been pretty stressful the last year and a half, and without my partner in crime, my partner in everything, i would surely have gone crazy by now. i am so thankful for dan and our life. i am thankful that i am in the process of owning the home where i grew up and in a very real sense, it is home. it's not a perfect house and i am far from perfect, but home is the place that when you go there, they have to let you in =)

i am thankful for my adult children. i am so proud of my son, seeing the world, stationed in germany and living the dream with his lovely wife. i am thankful for my beautiful daughter who is probably my best friend, i adore that she lives with me and i hope she is here for a very long time. i am thankful that she is in college and doing something she will hopefully love. i am so very proud of my daughter this year. she got a scholarship at her school. she had to attend an awards dinner and she could have taken anyone in the entire world to help her celebrate this achievement. she invited me and it about made me cry and burst with pride. here's my beautiful baby girl:

 i am thankful for beautiful friends and family of choice that help me get through my tough times. i know everyone says this but i have the best friends a girl could ask for. one of my best friends, pinktini, seems to have a sense of when i am at my lowest, and she always has a plan to pick me up or get me out of my head. earlier in the fall, we went to adult night at the children's museum. i always said the worst thing about our town's new children's museum was that it was made for kids! they must have heard me, as once a month they offer an adult night and serve booze and good food and grown-ups get to go find their inner child. there has been far too little of that for me lately. that has to change. here we are, in the reflection of a cool mirrored art piece. kind of blurry, but this was a fun time!

i am thankful for my relative good health and continued well-being. some things, i need to change. working a football game this season, i tore the meniscus in my knee. i did it at work, so i was injured on september 21st and had surgery to repair the tear on october 5th. it's been a whirlwind, for sure. when i first saw the doctor, she had the nerve to tell me i wasn't 20 any more. now, about seven weeks after surgery, i must concede she may have been right. i surely don't heal like i used to, the going is slow, and the residual stiffness and pain i have in physical therapy make me none too keen to have another injury any time soon. here is the knee in all it's awful glory, complete with ice pack
again and puncture wounds:

 

this is a picture of grizzly helping me heal. this had to have been 1-3 days after surgery:

 

i am thankful for goofy animals and the joy that is having silly little birdies in my life. dan had said a lot while he was unemployed and down that he credited the birds with keeping him sane. he says it's impossible to be sad or upset when you have little birdies around. case in point:

this is the binny bird. i guess, formally, his name is cinnamon, but we call him binny bird. we thought he was a girl for a long time because he's very pretty, but we think now he's a boy. if that changes, we will let you know. hahaha...sometimes you think you have them sexed appropriately, right up until they lay an egg =) this is binny's neat little trick of turning his head upside down and pretty much demanding that you rub his head. that a little bird could be so trusting and just lean it's head down when it must know that you could crush it so easily and yet they are trusting and loving. pretty amazing, really. and they have so much love to give. i adore having little birdies in my life. except for the poo. i could do without the poo.

life is always interesting, but i am feeling worn down lately. they say, if there's something we don't like about our lives, we are masters of our own destiny and only we can make a change for the better or do something to make ourselves happy. it's time i heeded that, and am working to make those changes. i will post more when i can. i don't do super well at the holidays, but so far, it's been okay. looking forward to the future and seeing what it holds.

for now, i am thankful, but also experience a certain amount of "meh". life's to short for "meh"...time to move along...

peace out, and stay tuned.....

...and the flame lingers on....

right now. this moment is momentous for me because normally at this time, i'd be in black rock city. this is the first time in 13 years that i am not attending burning man. the reasons are myriad. i had a really, really rough year last year. after taking the new job, in a very real sense, i now ranger full-time. every day there are aspects of my job that i have to ranger. and i work hard, and sometimes long hours. when i had a desk job, working harder on my vacation than i did all year seemed an okay thing to do. having a more stressful job kind of makes me want to have vacations that are relaxing. rangering isn't necessarily relaxing...

there are a lot of other things i tell myself right now, to keep sadness at bay. there's so much more of the world that i want to see, perhaps returning to black rock city every year is not the smartest choice considering there's so much ELSE i want to see. there is a lot of beauty in the world, and while there is A LOT of it concentrated in the miasma of black rock city, it's nice to see it in other places too.

also for the first time in several years this year, i went camping NOT in the desert. i went to a smallish event in the state of nevada over the 4th of july weekend and had an amazing time with good friends. i should maybe post pics of that, but i am not feeling it today.

for the last few weeks, we here in the truckee meadows have been inundated with smoke from a fire raging in the yosemite national forest. my dear friend and i decided to head to tahoe to see if we could get above the smoke. we thought at first we had been thwarted, but close to when we needed to leave, it seemed to clear for us, and we got amazing views. i am sometimes overwhelmed at all the beauty there is around me. i perpetually feel blessed.

there has been a lot more happening in my world that's new for me. for the first time in the last five years or so, the fire festival that I began had it's sixth iteration without me this year. with the new job, it seemed important to set a boundary of not being overly involved and stick to it. no fire performance for me, at all this year. during artown, our month-long arts festival here in reno, i did bellydance, but there's been too little of that in my life too.

life is different, but different isn't necessarily bad. i think sometimes it's hard to know you are in a rut until something happens to force you out of it. for me, this year, it was not being able to go to burning man...and being okay with that.

there have been more cockatiel babies. our baby fred had babies this year with a pearl female and we were blessed with an albino birdie. dan says he learned on the cockatiel facebook page that all albino cockatiels are female. she sure is sweet! world, meet pinky:

the first football game is about ten days away, which will make me a very busy woman again. i will update as i can. i think i need to be more random in my postings and not quite so linear. might record more that way =)

so, while not burning in a traditional sense this year, the fire still burns in my soul, and will find new and interesting ways to manifest! so mote it be.

peace!

Updates, updates everyone...and HOPE!

Life is continuing on. I am going to post updates from the last couple months. Probably mostly highlights. As told in the pictures I take with my phone...

I am adjusting quite well to the new situation, now that I am getting used to it. I won't pretend that my life isn't drastically different, but that's not a bad thing. I struggle still sometimes, and don't always like having to be responsible, but who does?

Without further ado...from January, to now....

In January, on a much-needed day off, my best friend, Pinktini, took me on a lovely drive up to Tahoe with her dogs. She has Huskies and I got to have one of the leashes. This is Burney and he's a gorgeous dog! This was a great day and I feel so lucky and blessed to have such an amazing friend...

On January 25th, I got to be a part of one of the most amazing experiences EVER! I have been a TED Talk junkie for awhile now. I watch them whenever I can, which is to say, not terribly often because if I do, I get sucked in, and then I look up and somehow, I have lost four hours of my life jumping from TED talk to TED talk! This, however, was the FIRST TEDX (independently organized TED talks) organized in our town and on our Campus! Lest someone call me a liar, I know they have done them out at Burning Man before, but this was literally, the NEXT BUILDING OVER from where I work! When I found out about it, I contacted some of my friends at Extended Studies and told them I had to be involved. I ended up getting to help with the registration process and handing out of name badges, and getting to see all the talks live. They were inspirational, phenomenal, and I can't think of a better way to spend a day!

Here's a link to a play list that I created on YouTube with all the talks from that day:

TEDx - University of Nevada Reno

I will truly never forget that day! There's another story related to this that I must tell, but it deserves it's own post, so it will get it =)

As part of my new job, we got to bring Tiesto to Reno. The show was going to be March 7, but leading up to that, I formed a very small street team, and we got to get the word out around campus. This involved doing several tabling events in front of the Joe Crowley Student Union. This was some big fun for me! I will say though, that it makes me sad that young people have become so jaded that you truly offer them a chance to win something for free, and they are suspicious or sure you are going to somehow compromise their information. We did six (I think) tabling events and at each one, we gave away a pair of tickets to this show. There were times, though, when people wouldn't even look our direction because they were sure that we were trying to sell them something. It was a great learning experience for me, though, and I had a lot of fun doing this. I wonder what comes next with this job?!?

My sister's birthday is February 11th, so on the 10th, myself, her son and his wife, and her roomies and besties all went out for Sushi. This is one of the large platters that we laid waste to. YUM!

Every month in Reno, downtown, there is a wine walk. It's been going on for awhile, but I had never participated in it. Until February of this year, that is =) My bestie, again, asked me if I wanted to go, and I invited my beautiful daughter to indulge in a little multi-generational binge-drinking! Yay! We had SO MUCH FUN! We didn't drive, we all arranged designated drivers and it's a good thing, too. It's all fun and games until you go to a place that has shot specials.

Not all of the places are even bars...this lovely airstream experience was courtesy of RENO ENVY and the bonus is, on this day, they ALSO served wine. WIN!

This is as we were at the end of the wine walk, but the evening didn't end here for me. I am not normally a tame person, and it's been very hard for me to be good for a very long time since having this new job. I was not good on this night, nor very tame. It ended about 11am the next day and I wasn't right for a few days, but I sure had fun =) No regrets!

Some time during the next week, while indulging in Panda Express, which is a staple because it's right across the street from work, I was gifted with this amazing fortune. Sometimes, it's not the big, exciting moments, but perfect small moments that make you feel all warm inside =)

This was a great event I got to help a little with. Girls and Women in sports day. Everyone seemed to have a good time!

Got to go to Virginia City with a dear friend. This is a sign back in the Old Washoe Club. I guess they just call it the Washoe Club now, but I will probably always call it OLD because that's how I've always known it =) They are doing fantastic and amazing things trying to restore this awesome place! Before the end of Summer, it is my fervent wish to be a member of their club to help restore their place and perpetuate their awesome!

Post Tiesto, this was the detritus of ONE security guard. 'Nuff said..it was a sparkly night, and a great experience and I learned a TON!

The day AFTER Tiesto, I had a small event at 7am, so this is a very sleep-deprived me, with one of my favorite staff people from this last year. She came to work for me through Sierra Nevada Job Corps, and graduated this Friday. Blanca, I know you will do amazing things, I just hope you keep in touch to tell me about it!

THIS, is TK421. The last time I posted a picture of her, I think she was listed here as #4. Her sister (we think) has been named Wayne for reasons probably safer not to go into other than to say that Wayne is a much loved Burning Man camp mate and said he'd be honored to have a birdie named after him =) TK421 is our new pride. This is her less than two months after that itty bitty little hatchling posted in the other picture. She is a complete love bug, loves to cuddle and snuggle and has quite the personality. Our birdie flock is large and in charge!

My bestie messages me and says we have to do something up in VC upcoming and it has to do with balls. Here's the proof. I was there. We did it. It was fun, and tasty. I will do it again, and go earlier next time!

This was the first "nugget" that came our way. Minced and wrapped in a wanton wrapper, served with sweet chili sauce, it was tasty!

Here is Pink tearing in to hers. Can you see the trepidation and cautious delight as her palette tries to battle with her brain over what she is eating?!?

This is the self-proclaimed BALL MASTER. Shortly after this photo was taken, a very large trophy came his way, as his team did, indeed, win all that is good at the Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed. Notice the conspicuously empty platters to his left. I had to wait a long time in line to sample these balls, but it was worth it!

Here are his wares:

And here I am, indulging:

My favorite of the day, indeed!

The next day, of course, was St. Patrick's Day. I get that we aren't supposed to celebrate a mass murderer. I do. I celebrate my Irish heritage, and it's an excuse to see friends I haven't seen for awhile. On the left in the hat and kilt, is my friend Willie. He and I serve on the board together of the Reno Celtic Celebration. Next to him is the owner of the bar, the Sierra Tap House, who is getting an award for supporting our Celtic Community, and next to him is my dear friend Jill Marlene, who is a member of the Celtic band 3-17 who was playing music that night and was ostensibly the reason I went out this night.

It was actually because I honor my dad every year by raising a pint to him and having a shot of whiskey...to celebrate that part of my heritage:

I wanted to take a picture of the whiskey too, but it was gone before I thought to take out my phone/camera. I saw a few other awesome friends there that night, and it was good to be out and relaxing!

Finally, this week, I went to change the bag I used to keep my shredded paper, and the whole thing blew up on me:

Some days are just like that...and if that's the worst that happens to me in a day, it's been a pretty damn good day!

Slainte!

hanging in there....

the last six months have flown by! life has been interesting to say the least. a little happy to start. before burning man last year, two of our cockatiels decided to mate, and we had a couple of baby birdies. those birdies are now essentially full grown, but still under a year old. my husband being who he is, of course, their names are Darth and Vadar. Here they are, this picture was taken 12-26-12:

here are the new babies. so far, they are named 3 & 4, but this was taken yesterday, 1-12-13:

please ignore my double chins up there, i was using the forward facing camera on my phone taking that, and i was very impressed and excited that the front one was looking right at the camera. to give you an idea of scale, this is what the above one, looking at the camera, looked like newly hatched:

i think i have probably questioned everything that i am, my choices and my life A LOT in the last six months. it hasn't all been roses. there has been some hard stuff, mostly related to adjusting to a new job, a new work culture, a new place, and realizing how very comfortable i had been, what i had, and trying to decide what the best thing for me and my family is. i am mostly still not sure about a lot of that, but am slowing making my way towards establishing a new comfort zone, i think.

burning man last year was an interesting thing for me. i worked A TON of hours leading up to it, and the day i actually left turned into an epic day at the day job, followed by frantic packing, driving an unfamiliar car, some waiting, and some frustration. the end result is that it was more than a 24-hour day, with us arriving on playa saturday pre-event at about 8am. i don't really feel like i ever caught up from there and when one works long and hard at a day job, it's hard to do the same thing on what is supposed to be your vacation. i think i came home more exhausted than when i went, and crashed right into a shitstorm of epic proportions resulting from taking a two-week vacation two months into a new job. it was very hard and has left me re-evaluating many things.

right now, life is pretty good. i feel like i am making a lot of progress on a lot of things.

i am sad because i haven't been able to do a lot of the things that i really enjoy doing. i have spun fire one time, around election time, since before burning man...in fact, since compression. i haven't been able to bellydance in longer than that and while i had started going to the gym and kept at it more than six months going 3-5 days a week, i haven't been now in a few months and finances have dictated cancelling of the gym membership, but this is something i need to seriously get at again.

i struggle, sometimes, still. i am going to see if i can get back to doing some of the stuff i love. i need to do that. i also want to do more yoga...seems like the thing to do.

that's where my life is right now. have a lot to do to try to make it to germany at the end of june. my kids are great, and in general, i have much to be thankful for...and i am. it's just working out the kinks and trying not to be spoiled and entitled =)

best christmas present ever was getting to skype with my son and his wife in japan for about two hours on christmas day. love that kid, love his lovely lady, and yesterday we got a box of sweets and other yummies from them they sent from japan. he is safe, he is healthy, and trying to figure out how he can live in japan. if he makes it, then i get to go visit him =)

~peace.

hahaha...times, changing

I actually do never seem to catch up on some things =) I guess getting some stuff done sort of precipitates that other stuff will not get done. It's funny to me that I introduced the world to Dozer in the last post I did, and I just saw him again last night. Jerk! Here's a more recent pic:

Again, I can't believe how much has changed since my last post! Shortly after that, my sister moved to Sierraville, California, to follow a dream to help build sort of an artists community. That didn't work out for a variety of reasons, but she's trying to make the best of it and is currently living near her love in Davis, CA. I was there this last weekend for Ranger Training, and got to see her, her love, and Dozer. All three are doing well! I applaud Joy for wanting to make a way and a life for herself outside Reno. I know it's hard sis, but hang in there! Even if you come back to Reno, at least you will be able to have said that you did this!

My most exciting news is that I HAVE A NEW JOB!! This has been in the planning stages for me for a long time, but I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid to jinx myself if I put my intention too plainly out there, or seemed assy or over-confident about it before it happened. I also want to list here the reasons I've done this and what led me to this...

In 2001, I did not consider myself a traditionally creative human. I could appreciate art, but didn't really feel I was artistic or that I had cultivated that in myself. I vowed to change that. As my kids were getting older, they needed me less, wanted their independence more, which they were certainly entitled to, and I was left thinking to myself that if I did not build a life for myself, I would be sad and lonely when they made their way into their own existences by not having anything to do or anyone to hang out with or do things with. I was actualizing SOME creativity in the form of Pagan ritual and worship, teaching that to youth through the Unitarian Fellowship in Reno, and making and teaching activities for that group, but felt pretty unappreciated and isolated in those pursuits.

Backing up to late 2000, I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but late in the Summer of 2000, I stumbled upon a Burning Man web site. I started reading, I followed some links to other links, and was completely captivated. I found out that someone I used to be related to through marriage had gone to this thing several times. It was too late that year for us to pull off a trip to Burning Man, but I vowed that I would go the next year come hell or high water and that I would spend that intervening year learning everything I could about Burning Man so that I would have an awesome time when I went. And that's pretty much what I did...

Since that time, I can't even express how amazing my life has been. Burning Man was an amazing experience, but my first couple of years I remember myself thinking "All these people are so creative, I wish I could be creative like that..." Our second year at Burning Man was the "Floating World" year. It was a great year for us personally, we saw and wandered all over the city and filled a passport with interesting and fun things we went around and did. During this process, we met a guy who was a "Ranger", his name is "Sasquatch" and he Rangers still. This gave us the impetus to give back to the community and also Ranger. By virtue of my involvement with Rangers, I began by being a perimeter guard for the local Fire Performance group, called Controlled Burn. I safety'd for them for about a year before I picked up some tools and decided to try for myself. Also around this time, a good friend of mine dared me to take a belly dancing class with her, which I did. I am sad because I am the only one of that group of women who all started on a dare who still dances, but I have never looked back and I cannot even express the ways in which belly dancing and fire dancing have enhanced my life.

As time has passed, I've done more and interesting things. I helped co-produce a festival called the "Drum, Dance and Didgerido Festival" the last two years it ran, then I took my hand at my own event, now in it's fifth year, called "Compression! Art and Fire!". I've taken a "Welding of Art" class, and tried forms of dance and performance I would never have tried before I started this wild ride! All these things have brought more magic, more creativity into my life. BUT, I still had my old, non-creative job sitting behind a desk.

Earlier this year, I was told of a possible opportunity that may come up, working with events full-time, but still on my college campus, which would keep all my benefits and retirement in the same place. I waited and waited and waited, but finally the position was posted! I had to think long and hard about taking this job, because it would be a HUGE change for me. No more behind a desk (ask much as I was before), potentially having to work nights and weekends, being here when events happen, more stress, more accountability. Ultimately, I decided to go for it. I had felt stagnant at my other job for awhile, but very safe and secure.

I GOT THE JOB! Today marks the beginning of my third week, and so far, it's a dream come true for me. Every day, I get validation that this was the right move for me. So many things have gone right, the amount of serendipity in my life is beyond measure and an amazing thing. I love my life! I know there are tough times ahead, but for this moment, I am reveling in the newness, the excitement, the potential, and welcoming the perpetual creativity into my life!

~Peace.