Sooo….now it’s been more than a month, and when I saw the charge come across my path for another year of OD, I thought, oh, snap, I’ve fallen off the frequent writing train again. I am trying to be gentle with myself and also hold myself accountable. Not sure how that works, but I’m trying.
I am also behind on my Erotic Blueprint Course. I am discovering that I need processing time to deal with these issues, suggestions, and ideas that make me question the things I think I know, who I am, and the person I want to be. I believe everything I’ve written and there’s so much more to it than that. Today, I am going to talk about another piece of things and my life. One that often has conflict in it….
I’ve thought for a long time, like, everyone when they are middle-aged has an existential crisis right? Like, WTF am I doing with my life? What is the meaning of life and what is the meaning of MY life? What do I WANT the meaning of my life to be? Is this it? You just work for the man until you retire, you have a few good years and then die. What do you leave? What matters and what doesn’t? I decided a long time ago that wasn’t going to be my fate. Like, as long as basic needs are met, who needs a bigger house? Nicer car? WTF is up with people who hoard riches or jewelry? How empty that existence seems to me! Blech, not me….I want OFF that friggin’ crazy train….
I have an adult son who is in his 30’s. When he was fresh out of high school, he tried going to college for awhile, and was killing himself working a full-time and a couple of part time jobs to pay for college and living. About 2007 or so, I think, he decided to join the military. This broke my heart in a lot of ways. I have huge admiration for the military, but as a mom, you want more for your kid. My biggest fear is that he would come back damaged in a way that I could not help him with. He may have, but life has been good to him, and he’s seen the world in a way I have not, for which I am grateful. Like, I guess all of life is a trade off eh? At any rate, on his last tour in Afghanistan (he had three), he was having a hard time, so he and I used to communicate about different ideas and ways to get off the consumptionist crazy train and make a life we thought was worth living and passing on to future generations. He send me on a wild goose chase out the wilds of Northern Nevada to look for some place to be “off grid”. Once he came back from Afghanistan, he was transferred to Washington state and bought a beautiful home up there. At some point, he said to me that he was going to have to sell the property in Nevada. I told him not to, that we would buy him out in it. I talked with my husband about this, because this is a commitment. There was so much to think about, but in the end, we decided this was the way to go, for us.
Living this lifestyle and figuring out how to do it in a way that works for you is hard. I don’t think folks are ever certain, most of us just wing it, wouldn’t trade the lifestyle for anything, and learn as we go. We’ve now had the property about six years I think, and we have decided we are going to build a home from shipping containers. It’s a rabbit hole of learning, though, and of watching and doing stuff. This is where I’ve been this Winter Break. There’s so much to do! Lots of learning. And we are moving forward…..
I call our place the Kow Bus Kompound and Manifestation Station!
This is what I WANT to think about. Being out there is so peaceful. The holiday was good. We don’t celebrate Christmas, per se, we are Solstice celebrators, but it was fun to watch the kids open stuff. Grandkids, that is. I am yearning for some bus time, it will happen in the next few weeks as we get more containers delivered. How come retirement is 8 years away?!? I am ready….I think it’s going to be hard for me to transition back to office life. I probably have six months left of working remotely and I’m already dreading going back hahahaha. And I like my job, I’m good at it, it’s just logging days now, though, until we can be out there more.
We hope to eventually have enough infrastructure and stuff in place to welcome visitors and let folks come and visit, maybe even teach folks how to live off-grid.
That’s about it for now, I am off to watch more YouTube videos of people building their dreams.
Peace.
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