life, going on….

(Open Diary archive)

well, here i am.

no where near the entry a day, but am trying to write more often.

today is family day in georgia or where ever my nephew is and he has no family there to celebrate his accomplishment with him, but he made it, and for that, he should be exceedingly proud. i am proud that he stuck it out and was able to make it through despite aches and pains. i pointed out to him the last time i spoke to him that he’s pretty much spent the last twenty years of his life NOT being physically active. his body is bound to need some time to catch up with his increase in activity and motivation. i am sad that i can’t be there for him, but he knows we love him, so it’s all good. it would easily have cost 1K to go and see him, rent a car, a hotel, etc. i just can’t spare that right now. we talked about what he should do with the money he has now, i told him to get a laptop and wait until he comes home to get a phone, it would be less expensive for him to get a local phone, and he can ultimately do more with the laptop, i think. i hope he listens to me, and takes my advice when it comes time to order the laptop.

i haven’t spoken to my son since he was at our house on saturday night. i sort of commiserated with my husband last night and asked him why my son was mad at me, i haven’t done anything to him. he says he isn’t mad at me, he’s afraid of disappointing me because he knows he is doing something that goes against my values. what silly creatures men are….that doesn’t affect how i feel about him, he’s an adult, his own person, and can now make his own decisions. you don’t have to like what someone does, or the choices they have to make because of what they’ve done to keep loving them. i guess i want him to know that. i will probably send him a text message and let him know that. he has to go to oakland tomorrow to the medical in-processing center and get his paperwork done.

i am feeling more connected and close with my daughter lately. she went with me to a violin concert last weekend, and it was amazing. afterwards, i took her to a local place called the chocolate bar and we had some chocolate fondue with fruit for desert. it was a nice time. i love that kid. i love both my kids so amazingly much. it’s a lot of fun to be able to be friends with them as they go boldly into adulthood and not feel as much responsibility for them as when they were growing up. i’ll always both care and worry, but they are both beautiful people and i am proud.

i thought i probably ought to post something positive. today is a good day.

kinda peace.