well, she’s home….

well, another update.

my daughter came home. other than knowing she’s okay, i can’t honestly say i am even glad. this is very, very stressful.

i don’t know how to deal with this. i asked her to write for me why she left, if she felt out of control, why she felt out of control and ideas about how we could negotiate to make things better for everyone. d and i both hugged her and told her we loved her. she was brought home by the people she was staying with. she apparently lied through her teeth to them too. she told them my d beat her! he has NEVER laid a hand on her, and i know this to be true. it’s true because he knows what it’s like to be physically hurt by someone larger than him and he would never do that to another human being. thank goodness these people have met us and didn’t believe her, but my goddess, the LIES. where does it end?

here is what she gave me:

"first of all, the reason i left is because right now, the though of being controlled i HATE. it’s like, yeah. i’m a teenager mom, i want freedom! i don’t want to worry about coming home! honestly, if i wasn’t so worried about going to school and being arrested i would have gone. second, i didn’t feel out of control at all, i just didn’t want to come home.

look, i just want the freedom to leave for a couple days and not have to worry about coming home but thats too much to ask so i honestly don’t  know what to do to make things better. so yeah i guess that’s all i really have to say."

because i had reported her as a runaway, the cops had to come back to our house. the cop who came back had an earlier altercation with her, and he knows her. he told her how life is. if she doesn’t go to school, all she will be fit to do is strip or be a street person. she acted like this was no big deal. she laughed and had attitude with the cop.

while we were talking to the cop, my husband went up to her room and she was making a joke about things to all her friends on the computer.

i was feeling bad for her. i was feeling guilty because i was thinking this was all my fault for not forcing her to stay on meds. but she really does seem to think that she’s a little adult. seriously. i don’t know how to deal with this at all. tomorrow, we are going to go to employee assistance, and see if we can see the psych or the gp to get meds.

i told her already, if she tells me what she needs, i can negotiate that with her. but she is fifteen damn years old! i don’t think "staying gone for a few days" is acceptable at all. how can she even suggest it might be?

i totally don’t get this.

oh well, i am sure there will be more to report tomorrow.

goodnight.