This was one of my Bro's last hospital trips, October, 2011
I guess that's the sign of a busy person eh? Not sure whether to be happy or not about that =) Generally, I am happy, but sometimes, it all just wears on me.
And then, there are days like today where almost all projects seem caught up, and reflection appears to be my friend, and I can take the time to jot down some thoughts. SO MUCH EXPERIENCE to record!
As I get ready to start posting about this years Compression, it strikes me that I haven't even recorded here my experience from last year's event. Pretty sure I have that written somewhere, so I will transfer it here.
Most recently, there have good times and sad times. My brother Steve passed away on April 18 after a long battle with Cancer. I will just say here, Cancer sucks. Really badly. I got to be there for him in his final weeks and this made me happy, but I am sorry for his pain, I am sorry he is gone, and I won't have him around anymore. We were not always close but we did love each other. Now, I must go, but I will edit and finish this later....I love you Stevie!
and wow, i did not realize the last time i had posted was on the anniversary of my mom's death. i opened the page today and went "whoah". sad sad sad. i still miss her every single day of my life! there's other family going through some stuff right now, i hope it all gets worked out...
me? i am pretty chill right now. there are new things on the horizon for me, i hope, and life is good. being busy is awesome, but also exhausting.
not that i often find myself being resolute about anything, but i did make a commitment this year to being more mindful of living a healthy lifestyle, and of health in general and mind in specific. i'd been feeling sort of crappy, so a couple of days after the post about my mom, i decided to join a gym. a friend took me and i really liked the atmosphere, classes and people. it's been almost two months now and i'm still going strong. i am there about five to six days a week, depending on the work schedules and am feeling a definite improvement in my cardio health. quicker recovery, stuff like that. it's been very interesting trying to be mindful of health again. i am ashamed to say that it's been a long time since i've been in good cardio health, i think maybe we don't realize how sedentary we are until we aren't anymore, or we start the process to change all that. it's different for me, and my experiences are different. it's like i am learning my body all over again, and what it feels like to be winded, have my heart rate in the "target zone". i remember it being harder and perhaps that's where my somewhat fitness level came in from dancing the last several years. i am four weeks into a six week program to jump start my new goals, and it's been a lot of fun. i am enjoying myself, which is something i didn't think i would say much about exercise. there are several dance-centered cardio things i do, plus weights and stuff in a pool. i like it! go, me!
in that same vein, i'd been feeling a little "off" around the holidays and thought maybe the 'ole diabetes had finally caught up with me. it's true, it had. i hadn't been to a doc in a couple of years, and my sugars are now consistently high. that means it's time to start testing, so i signed up for a diabetes education class and got a monitor, and have been testing twice a day. that's interesting, and i am also keeping track of my blood pressure. it all sort of goes together, but there's other stuff i need to change. i am okay with that because i want to live a long, long time, i think.
that's the daily update. this morning, there is snow outside, maybe only the third snowfall of the winter, so we desperately need the water resources. it's still snowing =) this last weekend i worked the state basketball championship tournament and it was fun, but long, sort of boring days. some of the games were good, though, and it made me feel good to be able to make the experience something to remember for those high school kids. i hope they do =)
had a long talk with my son yesterday, who is now in germany and loving life. there is a part of me that is jealous, but i wouldn't trade places with him. we will be visiting them in june of 2013.
there is also a new kitten in the house, and he's pretty cute. his name is dozer and he is full of kitty energy. here he is with grizzly:
Today, it has been five years since my mom passed away. I am sad, but feel like everything I do is a tribute to her. I wonder what she would think about certain things, or when I experience certain things that I know would make her laugh. God, I miss that woman, still.
So, I returned home from Scotland, and truly, really did not stop running until after Burning Man...which presented a whole new set of challenges...
The weekend after I got home, or a scant four days, I was on the Playa, doing Ranger training, participating in 4th of Juplaya, and generally, relaxing. To be honest, now that I am writing this the first part of November, I know I was there, I know I had a good time, but I don't remember a ton about the entire experience. I remember sitting through training....I remember eating and hanging with friends, but nothing stands out. This was the first camping trip for our new birdie at the time, Kilo. She got spooked the final day we were there and flew out of the trailer and on to the playa. My sister saved her, ran after her. I remember feeding Keeper, who was in her last trimester of pregnancy, and cooking yummy food.
Then there was a week of work, and final preparations. My son had gotten married in February, but this, July 11th, is what we called "The Pageant"...the formal wedding, the show, the experience for all friends and family. This caused a tad bit of stress. I was just returning from an expensive over-seas trip and my obligation as the bride of the groom was to host and organize the rehearsal dinner.
We had previously talked to Chris' dad (that's another story and series of posts that is on my list to catch-up on at some point...but not now) and his family drove here all the way from Ohio, and they were going to rent a house. They did rent said house, and it was gorgeous! They had spoken of renting a house, and we had approached them with the idea of hosting the rehearsal dinner there, but there was some implication that there might be weirdness surrounding the entire situation, and I didn't want any weirdness, so I had sort of decided to just handle it on my own.
The biggest hurdle with this was money, but with any luck, this would be the only time my son got married, and it was an overall small piece of everything that was done, but when you're hurting, it's hard to see those things, it's just stress! The alleged potential weirdness ended up being nothing, a misunderstanding. When we had asked Chris what he wanted to do for rehearsal dinner, his wish was to BBQ at a house not too far from where we would be at the Lake, grill some dead cow, eat good food, drink, and all hang out and get to know each other. There was bonus family, too. In addition to Chris' dad, Tom, and his wife Melody and their four kids, they brought Tom's mom, his brother and his wife, and their small daughter too. Yay, family! Chris always wanted a large family and that's something I just couldn't really give him, so I am glad he has that with the other part of the family...
So, I got the chance to talk to Melody on the phone, and there was NO weirdness at all, we arranged to buy the bulk of the food, and they agreed to host at this awesome house they had rented. I made a giant batch of potato salad, we did a lot of bread and it was Summer, which screamed tri-tip and plans were laid and made.
In absolute, I REALLY don't think the weekend could have gone better! The rehearsal dinner was exactly what Chris had said he wanted, Tom and Melody were kind enough to offer us space to stay in the house they rented, the wedding was beautiful with a stunning and not-to-be-believed location, everyone was lovely, friendly, loving. This day made me feel blessed on a level that I cannot adequately express. I was SO thankful for EVERYTHING! My colleague and friend Jim was the officiant, my friend Lenae and her cadre of photographer friends took professional photographs, all the family came and was loving and we all had a good time and there was very, very little drama! I adore my new daughter-in-law, it was fantastic to meet her parents and brother and friends, and there was Sake drinking that was fantastic and good times were had by all! It was a win for everyone!
And here are the pics....I don't have them all labeled yet, but I will work on that...might need to consult with some folks to ensure I get all the names right....eeeeek!
I could not have been more proud of my son, my family, my community...this was truly the sort of day that dreams are made of! I only hope that those who participated feel the same!
And I must hit the ground running, as the next several weeks will be very, very busy.
This coming weekend, there's the Playa ROM to attend. Because of other stuff that has been happening, it wasn't possible to attend an earlier ROM, so this will be a good opportunity for Ranger training, we've affectionately dubbed this weekend also as meeting man, and to see good friends not seen for a year.
I will confess that I am actually writing this on October 20, 2011. I left a book mark here for myself because there was lots I wanted to record, not sure if I will remember all of it now....
I remember feeling surreal when I got back. I was glad to be home, to eat familiar food, do familiar things, but also felt my soul and heart screaming NOOOOOOOO! IT CAN'T BE OVER!!!! A very real part of me wanted it to go on forever. I lived a lot inside my head, and that's okay with me. I wanted to imagine and experience what it was like or would have been like. I know with the logical part of my brain that where I live has certainly existed the same amount of time as the UK, but it doesn't have the same sense of history. This hardly ever bothers me, but I appreciate having gotten to see that history, those castles, and experience being there.
After Playa-ROM weekend, the following weekend is my son's wedding. If he had asked me "what's the absolute worst weekend we could have this wedding?" I would have said THAT weekend, but it is what it is and that's when it's happening. Since I am writing this after the fact, it all worked out fine, but there was not a minimal amount of stress in trying to figure this all out. As the parents of the groom, we are, traditionally, to be responsible for travel arrangements for visiting relatives and the rehearsal dinner. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but I am NOT a traditional person! I don't know how to do these things!! Lucky for me, someone, somewhere seemed to sense this, and I didn't have to do any travel arrangements. I think in this sense, I am TOO American. I can't imagine making arrangements for someone else. What an intrusion into someone else's life! I would NEVER presume to know where someone would want to stay, how much they would want to spend, what their requirements are....that whole thing just felt extremely foreign to me because I live my life being radically self-reliant and probably arrogantly so, assuming other people are also.
Two weeks after the wedding is Compression, the fire festival now in it's fourth year.
If I remember correctly, I put this post here to document mi vida loca!
There are only five pictures from my last day or two in Scotland. There are some things I regret, mostly silly things. This last day actually turned in to two days.
The first picture is one of my Scottish groceries. I love oat cakes and some time soon, probably later this winter when I feel like cooking, I will make Scottish oak cakes. Such amazing little rounds of deliciousness! Versatile, and good for you, I think, if made properly. YUM! Milk, cereal, Nutella, Scottish breakfast tea, a banana. I ate well while in Scotland, even when I fed myself!
I think I needed to be out of the hostel by 10 or 11am, I made that with no issues. I knew this was going to be a long day. In essence, my travel day turned in to travel days, as my flight the following morning was supposed to leave at some ungodly hour, so I thought it would be best if I slept in the airport that night, to ensure that I would, in fact, make my flight. I wouldn't actually have minded being stranded in Scotland, but I couldn't do that to my family, who I thought had already sacrificed for me to get the time I had there =) Missing this flight would have cost more money we didn't have.
I had decided at some point that I would spend the money and take a cab into town, but when it came down to it, it was my final moments in Scotland, so I decided to hoof it and spend some final time in Inverness. Of course, this meant I had to lug all my shit all over the place, but I decided to suffer through that. I debated that thought when the brand new super cool bag I had bought for this purpose decided to break apart as I was packing. Pieces of the zipper fell apart, making it impossible to close, which means I had to rearrange things again. Since I had to go back in to Edinburgh anyway, I decided I would head back to that little cheapie store and exchange that stupid bag! I proceeded into Inverness and looked around some more, for the last time. I had wanted to have a meat pie or sausage roll thingie, sort of try Scottish fast food that was unique to that place, but some of the places scared me. I ended up in a sausage shop and found a pretty awesome special for, essentially, a deep fried sausage rolled in some dough. It was good! Good 'ole greasy goodness seems to be pretty universal...I checked the train schedule and waited there awhile, reading a book and watching the people. Very interesting and fascinating past time, that.
The train ride from Inverness to Edinburgh was as stunning as the ride up the first time. The Highland landscape is unique, changes from the Highlands to the Lowlands, and is green, picturesque and seems like the land that time forgot. You can obviously see signs of modernity, but you can also see how little has changed in what seems thousands of years.
Back in Edinburgh, I walked across the bridge and up the hill to exchange my bag. It was a huge relief when it was done! I didn't get any flack from the store employees, it was a straight across trade, I just wanted something not broken to hold my shit, man! I walked around a bit after that, sort of went around the royal mile again, then headed down to the train station. I don't know what it was about this trip into the station, but I got REALLY disoriented and ended up walking around in circles for awhile, then finding out that the bus I needed to get to the airport was outside anyway. I got frustrated!
I got to ride one of those cool double-decker buses and it was a special run to the airport. These were my last glimpses of Scotland that weren't in the airport. Such a lovely place! I hope SO that I can return here some day!
I got to the airport by about 6 or 7pm. While driving on that large bus TO the airport, there was some very large concert taking place and it sort of made me realize how much more efficient other people are than Americans. There was a lot of traffic, yes, but the buses and foot traffic was more much than vehicle traffic. It also made me see that visiting Edinburgh was nice, but it's too large a city for me to live in. Inverness is just about perfect for me =)
I spent the night in the airport. My flight was like, at 6am, so I stayed there because I was TERRIFIED of missing the plane or not being able to access public transportation that would get me there in time for my flight. It wasn't bad, all in all. I spent some time sleeping in the little chapel there. It was quiet in there, it the space seemed to be respectful of all religious paths, not just Christianity. I was pretty delirious by the time it was time to make my way up for my plane. I most regret that I went directly from Belfast into Scotland, so I had this amazing adventure in Scotland, and yet, I have no stamp in my passport to say that I was ever in Scotland. If that's all there is to regret, then I'd say I had a pretty smashing time! Yes, indeed!
I will never forget this trip...and I hope I get to go back some day!
I have to tell you, this has been a chore, recording this vacation. I know that I will be glad once it's done, and that I will have it forever, but it's really hard to label and organize the pics, and remember all the stuff you want to record. By this day, I was pretty tired! I had been invigorated and had an amazing time on the tour with Hugh, but trying to see everything you want to see in a ten day trip means you are perpetually running, running, running. The bottom line is that you will sleep when you get home, you only have so much time to see and do what you want!
So, this day was for me to explore on my own in Inverness. I had contemplated going on another tour up to Loch Ness and doing that whole business, but it would have made money too tight the rest of the trip, and of the places I've been out of my country so far, I've a feeling I've not seen the last of Scotland!
This days pictures start with a detailed view of the hostel where I stayed. It was a new experience for me, but I cannot say enough about the hostel! I am sure they are not all clean and friendly and uncrowded and stuff, but I am so glad I had this experience and it sure was when I was there, so I wanted to let everyone know about it! You hear horror stories about hostels, and there are even horror movies about them, but this was just great!
Then there are pictures of my short walk into the city. I love the architecture here! The houses were so pretty. I even picked out the house I want when I go back to live. Hey, a girl's got to dream! As I came down the hill into the town, going what was sort of a back way thinking about the 'front" of the town being that which faces the train station, and there's this charming little farmers/street market. There are all sorts of people out there selling their wares and displaying things. The first booth that really caught my eye was for a group of people seeking to preserve and help out prey birds. They had three absolutely stunning owls on display. I LOVED the sign that said, in big red letters "BIRDS OF PREY, PLEASE KEEP YOUR DOG AWAY". I thought of several smallish dogs I'd seen and had to take pictures of not only the birds, but the signs and the men that were there. The humor encountered in Ireland and Scotland is constant, and often subtle = )
I HAD to go into the McDonald's I went by, so I could see a menu. I saw it and had to take a picture, so there's also a picture of that...then, Inverness has close's too, which fascinate me, although they do tend to me much shorter and smaller than those in Edinburgh. On to Inverness castle. It's still a working building, so I didn't get to go inside, but it had been recently renovated and it and grounds were gorgeous! As I was walking around the castle, I found something very funny. Right near a circular parapet that looked down on Inverness below is bolted a sign that says "Fire assembly point". Which is great, except that it points to this small, circular alcove that's probably three feet in diameter, then plunges straight down about thirty feet to the pavement below. WTF?!? So, you get out of the building that's on fire....to stand against the way or jump over the side and plunge to your death below?!? This, too, made me giggle. I met a very friendly chap and his wife. They were separated when he talked to me, but he introduced me to her, and he is the one that took the picture of me next to the "fire assembly point". heh. He laughed when I pointed it out to him, too....
The entire time I was in Ireland and Scotland, over ten days at this point, I saw ONE, single solitary paper towel dispenser, and it was in the toilets that are between the castle at Inverness and the Inverness museum. All the other bathrooms I had encountered had those dyson blow yer hands thingies. So, it warranted a picture.
The Inverness museum was really neat. It had a lot of interactivity in it, with things you could touch and feel to get a sense of the history. I LOVE stuff like this! Things from the Bronze Age, the Picts, rudimentary tools, stuff on Gaelic language, all sorts of things for kids. It was really neat to root around in there. I walked down to the river, saw some churches along there, went into a couple of whiskey and other shops, saw the tourist trappy ones, and yet, appreciated that they were there. I went up a street to a graveyard that seemed to be the graveyard of Frasers! It seemed to me that at least a third of this graveyard had Fraser family members....who knew?
I encountered the most awesome book store ever. Called Leakey's Second Hand Book Shop, it struck me as EXACTLY the way a book shop should look. It's in a building that was formerly a church, and it is LITERALLY books and nothing but books, floor to ceiling, stacked anywhere there is a spare space, with a desk and stove in the center, and one of the former church lofts is a small cafe'. I had soup here that was amazing, they also serve pies and deserts...and tea, of course. One of my favorite places in Inverness, for sure. I could have gotten lost in there for HOURS! It actually reminded me of the Trinity University in Dublin where they have the Book of Kells. There is a room of floor to ceiling books there. The same sort of reverence for knowledge is felt in Leakey's. Seriously.
While I was wandering around the the graveyard, I went around a corner and saw two homeless men, enjoying the sunshine and probably enjoying not being harassed. They both appeared to be sleeping. No matter how touristy the town, every place has people that are less fortunate, and this was a poignant reminder.
I made my way back to the hostel as the sun dipped lower in the sky. The houses were just as beautiful on the way back. I spent my last evening writing, catching up, repacking, thinking about the journey home and tomorrow, catching up on email, putting out fires back home, and mourning with a deep and melancholy sadness that my time was coming to an end. When I went to France, I experienced it knowing I would likely never go back. With Scotland, it's more like "Until we meet again, my friend...." Call it a hunch....
