Another orbit around…

 The 21st was my birthday.

I never in my life thought I would live past 30, much less make it to 55. The funny thing? Good Goddess, do I love life! My goal is to make it to 100, or die trying, as a friend and I often joke.

And….then discovered on the 22nd (coincidentally, my oldest child’s birthday hahaha, my almost literal “twin”) that another friend had passed unexpectedly, and he was younger than I was. He was a beautiful soul.

I went camping for my birthday, and also help facilitate for a Burning Man regional leadership conference that I participate in. Here’s some trees that took my breath away, where we were camping.

In general, I am pretty happy with my life. I am getting over the fact that my daughter may not ever come back to the knowledge of how much she is loved and cherished. I hope she learns to love and forgive herself and me enough to get to that space, but ultimately, it’s out of my control and beyond what I am able to do or make happen. I miss her, but having my eyes opened to things makes me realize my perception of how things were between us wasn’t accurate anyway. There is a ton of sadness there, and also acceptance. The more I think about things, the more I realize the universe has put two very similar people (my sister and my daughter) in my path for me to learn specific lessons. I think I am still figuring out what some of those lessons are. I might write about this more later.

On May 13, I went to a workshop. It was about a new way to communicate called “UPLVL Communication”. There were other things in the workshop too, but this was MY personal focus. She has a book and it can be found here. It posits that there are three parts to our psyche, if you will. The “animal”, the “ego” and the “higher self”. I cannot even begin to tell you how deeply this resonated with me. It gave me a framework through which to have my feelings heard, feel like they were heard and acknowledged, which released their charge for me, and allows me to let them go. This is going to take practice, for sure. Since then, I’ve had the chance to tell a few people about it, and helped teach a part of it, this last weekend. I might continue to write about my processing of things here, but I’m not going to explain it or go into a lot of detail, because that’s the job of coaches and the book, not me. The technique I learned is called “UPLVL Venting”, and it’s part of the process. Only a part. For me, this makes it so that I don’t feel invisible. It allows me to express what I’m feeling and allow myself to be soothed. This has been huge for me.

The birthday was good. I spent it with friends. I feel a bit discombobulated now, realizing I haven’t written about this and now feel like it’s a HUGE part of my life.

I rode my bike to work today. It was fun. It was easier than I thought it would be. I like doing this. There are currently thunder storms, and it’s looking like I’m going to be riding home in it. I can’t even lie, I’m sort of looking forward to it.

Here is a pinecone heart someone made at the camp ground we stayed at last weekend. They must have known I needed this.

Peace.