still alive….

life is still carrying on for me. i am trying to learn how to live without my mom. some days are easier than others. as much as i loved her, i am also seeing that a lot of what she had become in my life was an obligation and i didn’t need her as much as i thought i did and i didn’t depend on her as much as i thought i did. i don’t know if i should feel good about that or bad. without a doubt i miss her in my life….i think i was just more independent than i thought. i know there is a sense of freedom that exists now that didn’t before. good goddess, am i a selfish fuck? i don’t know….

last week, i had to buy a car. love the car, hate the thought of making another payment. ew. the car is a nissan altima. i love it. it gets great gas mileage. i had been looking at getting a subaru and while all wheel drive would have been nice, in reality, i just don’t really drive in bad weather often enough to give up some comfort measures to have it.

in other news, d and i went to concord and santa cruz this weekend to help some friends that just got married to celebrate their recent nuptuals. they ran off to hawaii to get hitched and didn’t pack any of us in their suitcases, so we threw a party for them when they got home. it was a pretty good time. we took the new car and it was a ton of fun. i started drinking wine with my friends about noon on saturday and ended up drunk dialing just about everyone who’s ever talked about drunk dialing me or who has, in fact, done so. i was happy to tell everyone i knew how much i loved them =)

i had never been to santa cruz before….there are a bunch of little funky houses situated strangely along the sides of mountains but overall, the experience was charming. definately some place to return to when one can.

it’s been about four hours since i began this entry and my train of thought is wrecked. so i will end this now.

peace.