As 2024 Begins....

 Like, I was ready to see it go, but man, 2023 was a good year for me. A year of realizations. 

There is so much hope! 

I really hadn't realized how sick I had allowed myself to get or be. I think in some ways, we need to be obligated or should seriously take stock of ourselves like, I don't know. Yearly? Every five years? Realizing how much of myself I had subjugated? Lost? Forgot to realize or analyze if something is working for your highest good?

I hadn't realized how MUCH of myself I had hidden, made smaller, to make other people happy. How much I had "let things go" to keep a sense of peace that didn't exist anyway. Realizing the ways in which I was being horribly codependent because, once again, I wanted someone I loved to be happy. 

In essence, seriously, fuck all that shit, man. 

In the end, it doesn't matter when it happened, how I noticed, or how long it took. What matters is that now, I am the FUCK AWAKE, I am all about it, and I am now living MY life, for ME!

Today, I am finishing a rad new tattoo I am working on. Crow has been in my life for awhile, and has been calling me....cawwwwwing at me to wake the fuck up!

Thank you, Crow. Thank you, to that therapist I went to a couple times on my employee assistance program, who when I told her part of my story, she looked at me agog and was like "Grrrl, you got some stuff to work on." I think that was my first clue. I mean, holy fucking shit, I thought it was all my fault! I must be a terrible person because my child thinks I am. What did I do? I was firmly ALSO in victim mode and stuck high up in that drama triangle. 

At this moment, I have a firm sense that everything in my past has led me to this place. Has led me to the part where I am ready to claim my life for ME and claim all the happiness I can suck out of the time I have left. 

This year, I am making a commitment to getting to know myself better this year. I am paying more attention to astrology and planetary alignment, and also tarot cards, divination and having a stronger sense of spirituality. I ordered some shelves to be able to create an altar in the main room of my house. I purged an old curio cabinet that came from a ranger friend who passed away. It was a good piece, but had gotten broken and was just holding stuff with a bunch of emotional baggage. Now, it's gone!

My yearly horoscope themes this year are HEALING (first quarter), Focus (second quarter), Connection (third quarter) and Courage (fourth quarter). We will see how these continue to play out. 

Goals for this year include:

• CONTINUE THE PURGE! 
• Bring the whirlwind of the upstairs space to the downstairs space. Purge clothes and personal belongings. The goal here is to LIVE TINY. Get ready for the bus. Only keep those things that continue to serve us.
• Finish cleaning out the garage
• Purge the attic and get anything out of there that no longer serves us. Can we turn this in to living space?
• Continue with the process for the back yard.
• Be able to use the outside/porch space as additional living space
• Journal a minimum of once a month, with a goal of once a week. Have both paper and online journals in a few different places =)
• Make a commitment to quarterly revisit where I am and if anything needs to change. 

And, here's me....exhausted, after having made 8 dozen cookies for my long-time cookie exchange. Like so much of life, once the thing is done, it's awesome and you're glad you did it, but slogging through to get there feels Herculian, until it's done =) 

Peace.