interlude….

i have more to say about burning man. i will get it out, oh yes i will because i want to chronicle it before i forget. we will see….

i have been sad this last week, thinking of and dealing with things with my mom. i saw a friend on monday night and he was asking me some questions and i just started crying and realize that i have been keeping a ton of energy inside regarding the eventual loss of my mom. i had a dream last weekend that we were connecting in our dreams and i told her that if she was done with this life and was tired and wanted to move on, that it was okay to go. i love her, she is one of my best friends, and i will miss her terribly, but i also don’t want her to suffer or be in pain. it makes me so sad to think of this, but i mean it. she is suffering now as the pain in her feet and legs gets bad again and it kills me. this acceptance of her not being here anymore comes slowly for me. five years ago, i couldn’t even think about it without crying. now, the thought is there, and it will all be okay, i just want her to be good and happy for however much longer she is here. and i want her to die peacefully in her sleep and not being cut open on an operating table or because of some perceived failed medical procedure.

goddess this is hard.

i needed to get that out.

there is so much more there, and right now i just need to stop here.

have a great weekend everyone. i am not sad. i am, but not like inconsolable, just sad because this is. it is existence and it happens to everyone and it sucks.

i love my mom. today she is 77.

peace.