i am quite sure that i have lived an entire lifetime since my mom’s been gone. that’s how it feels. i can’t believe that she’s been gone for closer to a year than not. what a sad, amazing, wonderful, hard, tumultuous time this has been.
as i get ready to make my yearly pilgrimage to the playa, i can’t help but think that this time last year, my mom was still here. she was sick, and i was concerned about leaving her, but she insisted we not worry and go have fun.
this year, things will be much different. more of the family is going, as we welcome my sister to the folds of those journeying to the playa, and her son, my nephew will be minding things at home. to say that this makes me more than a little nervous is a gross understatement of the facts, but i will deal with it and we will see what happens. i am trusting in the universe.
this year, i have been buying costumes all year and have more fishnet stockings currently than i have ever had or worn in my life =) i have also bought things that i’ve always wanted and finally allowed myself to have. if these things are split up into smaller chunks, everything is possible.
i am anxious to ranger, and am in anxious anticipation of what this years experiment in temporary community is going to be. it never ceases to amaze me that something as impermanent as burning man, that’s in reality such a small part of our yearly lives, creates lasting friendships and relationships, cultivates such spirit and amazing artistic ability, and makes life seem so much more REAL. this year, i have many new friendships that last year at this time were just beginning. we have all changed throughout the year and now we head back home. the sum of those experiences has made many of those relationships stronger and better. i head to the playa feeling more surrounding by awesome vibes and energy than ever before.
i am beyond excited at the prospect of spinning fire in the inner circle this year. i feel honored that one of the pieces we worked hard on this year that i am involved with was asked for in the circle. i have always been on the participant or rangering side of the circle, so this, too, is new for me.
we leave a week from today.
my hair is braided, the motor home is mostly packed, the food bought, just need to buy the last of the booze and perishable food. this weekend will be cooking and freezing, likely the final shopping. this time next week, last minute preparations for the playa will be occurring.
and then it will happen.
again, my life will never be the same, and my perspective will change.
i will go home.
peace.
